For almost two years I’ve been dealing with an ongoing situation that has caused me lots of anxiety. I don’t want to get into the details now. Perhaps someday I might. Things are better now to some degree. However, when you’re under so much constant stress, your brain doesn’t know what to do. It starts acting out in different ways. Sometimes it’s depression, but most of the time it’s been anxiety for me. The anxiety first came in rushing waves of panic attacks, only subsiding after taking shallow breaths and sitting at the foot of my bed, which acted as a safety harbor of sorts.
I started going to therapy and this has also helped. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been an important tool in my arsenal. Medication is the latest addition to this cocktail of wellness. It hasn’t completely diminished my anxiety, but it has helped me manage it. I started writing this newsletter entry because I know that many people out there struggle with anxiety as well. And yet, not many people talk about it.
Lately, when I’m really overwhelmed, I feel a rush of blood surging to my head. This has been difficult to describe to other people, even to my primary care doctor and my therapist. Before medication, this "surge” would last for almost two minutes. After being on anxiety medication, it usually subsides after 30 seconds or less. Ideally, this probably shouldn’t happen after getting medicated, but here we are. Maybe there’s something more I can be doing and that’s what I intend to find out by researching this topic. For months I struggled with how to describe this “rush of blood” feeling. This has been incredibly frustrating.
But finally while doing some more research online, I was able to find a term that aptly describes how I feel in those moments. That term is “brain surge.” It’s immensely satisfying to have a definition for something you’re experiencing. The knowing doesn’t cure the ailment, but it can guide us on how to address it. It somehow reminds me of those exorcist movies where the priest demands that the demon identifies itself in order to defeat it. There’s power in naming things. If we can name something, we have a better chance of understanding it and even vanquishing it.
I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. However, because of the nature of this newsletter and the nature of my curious mind, I’m taking a deep dive about anxiety, what it is, how we can manage it and a bunch of other curious facts. I’ll be doing that while talking more about my personal struggles with anxiety during the course of this newsletter and possibly eventual ones.
This will definitely be part of a series, by the way. You’ll understand why as we dive deeper into this topic. Let’s get into it.
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