Floating in Outer Space

Or Wanting to be Understood

In his book Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller tells the story about an astronaut who is wearing a suit that manages to keep him alive indefinitely by recycling his fluids. One day, while working on a space station, there’s an accident and the astronaut is cast off into space. He is then condemned to orbit the planet, looking down, circling the globe until eventually he dies many years into the future.

Can you imagine the loneliness? That level of isolation? Looking down, imagining all of the people you’ve ever met going about their business, and all those who you will never meet?

It’s obviously a fictional story, but the point stands.

Have you ever felt like that astronaut, stuck in your suit, observing but not participating? Have you ever been in a room full of people and still feel isolated? I have.

This means that loneliness is not so much about the physical, although that can make a difference as well and has its place, but it is mainly about the psychological desire to be understood.

For me, loneliness and the desire to be understood are deeply intertwined and can’t be separated. When I mean understood, I mean at a profound level.

I think most of us desire that. We want the people around us to see us for who we truly are. We want our inner world to be validated.

That’s not always easy because in order to be understood, we need to communicate. And sometimes that communication is about painful experiences. Those conversations are difficult, which is why most of us avoid them for as long as possible.

We have to be vulnerable in order to be understood, but we’re afraid to do so because we may be misunderstood. That’s the great irony. However, once we get past that and do share, our hope is that the person on the other side can truly understand us. This requires empathy from them. It requires that they listen to understand and not reply.

Of course, this also works in reverse. When another person is seeking to be understood by you, find that empathy and grace within you. Truly try to see why they see the world they way they do. Maybe you won’t always agree, but it’s not about agreeing, it’s about truly seeing them for who they are. And it’s about them to truly seeing us.

We want to be seen. We want to be understood.

Where are you on this topic?

Thanks for reading.