Last week a cousin of mine passed away. We weren’t close, mainly because of our age difference and because he was in Cuba, but I do have fond memories of him. He was 27. Cancer, that old and devastating enemy of humanity, took him in less than a year.
I last visited Havana in 2003 and that’s when I last saw him in person. Of course, he was only a child, but he was curious, funny, and sweet. By all accounts, he remained that way as he got older. I talked to him over the phone a few times over the years. He was always optimistic, even when he lived through the harsh realities of living in Cuba. He remained positive during his initial cancer diagnosis, always ready to fight and search for alternate cures. I do wonder if he had lived in the U.S. whether he would have had more time, or if perhaps his cancer would have been detected earlier and he’d still be around.
When death comes near, even when it’s expected because someone had been sick for a while, it wakes us up from the routine of life. It shakes us, it rattles us, it reminds us of our own mortality. We are only here for a short while. The best you could hope for is to leave a legacy behind that will be remembered after you’re gone. Hopefully that legacy is one of love and dignity. If you’re lucky, that legacy can last even a few generations.
Times like these, when someone young dies, it really puts things into perspective. There are so many stressors that we carry, so many meetings and deadlines that seem so crucial, so world shattering if we miss them, but in truth, none of that will matter on your death bed.
This is not a call for nihilism. Actually, it’s the opposite. It’s a call to have a zeal for life and not take yourself so seriously. It is also a call to have more balance. Give yourself time for rest and grace. Find a hobby or a passion that you like, that is not linked to your job, and pursue that on your free time. And if you don’t have free time to pursue what you love, then start there. Make some time. We make time for the things and people that matter to us. And if your job is your true love, make sure that you’re not overextending yourself. Why not make time for yourself? And of course, make time for the people in your life. In the end, all we have is our memories. I know it’s cliché to say at this point, but no one on their last day is thinking about the stock market.
Although death cancer rates overall have decreased, there’s a rising incidence of cancer among young people in the U.S. Doctors don’t know why this is. They do suspect several factors, such as environmental changes, less physical activity, increased consumption of ultra-processed foods, and exposure to undefined toxins. It’s all speculation at this point, but a lot of those factors seem reasonable to me.
My cousin didn’t live in the U.S., and I haven’t seen any data from Cuba, but I would guess that a similar trend is happening there, too.
All that to say that life is unpredictable. Slow down a bit. Go for a walk today.
Thanks for reading.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for writing such a lovely and important reminder to live with intention.