We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve
Don't Settle
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One of my favorite quotes from any book or any source material ever is, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” The quote is from author Stephen Chbosky from his novel and movie, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”
This email is not about the novel or movie, although I do strongly recommend both, but instead, I want to focus on the quote itself. The main character, Charlie, asks Bill his English teacher, why do some people choose partners who treat them badly? Why do people go back to someone who doesn’t appreciate them? And his teacher responds with the quote I just mentioned, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Obviously, there are many reasons under the sun for why someone chooses a particular problematic person, but a lack of self-worth is a huge reason. Often, people think they don’t deserve better, or they don’t love themselves enough to realize that they do. But the fact is, that we do deserve better. If we love and value ourselves the way we should, then we’ll attract and accept the love we actually deserve.
It should also go without saying, that if we deserve the kind of love that is safe and beautiful, that we should also extend that same love to the person who loves us that way. Have you found that kind of love? I have and I’m really thankful for that.
All this to say that you shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve. To paraphrase a line from a show that is near and dear to my heart, “don’t you dare settle for fine.”
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I'm in my fifties but POBAW is one my favorite movies. I am here from your TL group post and could not believe someone else there knew that line, so I had to investigate. I think the one thing that's important about both is the importance of friends and external help. I think that people wind up in relationships that are fine when they lose perspective of what better actually is and don't realize that they are stronger than they actually are. I think that only outside support can solve that. Both TL and Perks do a good job of showing the importance of a true support system. Hopefully everyone can find one that works for them. Thanks for your article.