When You See the Light

Almost exactly two years ago I shared the picture below and wrote about my mental health.

It was Father’s Day. And even though I have the most amazing kids ever, and the love of a wonderful partner, I was so depressed that I didn’t want to be around anymore.

For people who don’t suffer from depression this seems illogical. Almost as if being depressed is a choice, or a button that one can turn on and off. If only it were that simple.

That’s why when celebrities, like for example, Anthony Bourdain, take their own lives, people are shocked. “But he had it all! Money, fame, adulation! He had it all!”

You can “have it all,” and still be depressed to the point where you see no way out. It’s a combination of brain chemistry, stress, past trauma, genetics and even physical health. It can be all of that, or a few, but it’s never just one thing.

Depression feels like your mind turning against you. On some level you’re aware that this isn’t, “you,” but you feel helpless.

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Tomorrow, my oldest turns 14. Had I taken any drastic measures, I wouldn’t be here to see it. I would have missed so much. So many great things happened these past two years, and frankly, some hard times too. But I was there for it all. I went through the darkness and came out of it.

That’s the main point I want to make. If you find yourself right now where I was two years ago, remember that you won’t always feel that way. You will get through it. Get help, whether that’s a therapist, medication, exercise, or all three. For me, it was that combination that helped me. I no longer see a therapist, but I’m still on medication and work out regularly. Find your way to get through, but get through.

You are needed. You are worthy. You are loved.

You don’t want to miss future birthdays.