I too miss the spirit , the camaraderie , and the connected to each other that I felt in church . I missed the raising our voices in song, the revivals , and the love. I’ve come to realize that the love was conditional , and what I missed was the things Christianity tried to mimic from pre-colonial religions that it could just not quite capture . The racism , the control , the judgement. Then people tell you judge the sinner not the church . When the whole institution is riddled with them who seek to control and exert their dominion over everyone else. Deconstruction has been freeing for me . I left the church at 16 when the youth pastor tried to assault me and everyone let it slide and he went on to harm so many other girls . I’m still filled with rage at the futility of it all. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. 💕
Sometimes I close my eyes and I do miss exactly what you described, that feeling of connectedness, of being part of something "bigger." My deconstruction happened in 2016-2017, but now I'm open to the idea that maybe not all white Christians are like the ones I encountered, and that's only because I'm working for an organization that literally had hundreds of white believers in a room talking about how awful and dangerous Christian Nationalism is. But...that's my intellectual side, not my emotional side, that part is still disconnected.
I see your point about the pre-colonial religions, and I can totally see that. Santeria originated in Cuba, mixing Yoruba practices with Catholicism and I've seen elements of that.
I'm sorry about what happened with your youth pastor, but sadly, I'm not surprised.
Oh man, I haven't thought about Lou Engle in AGES. What a wild time that was.
You really encapsulate the experience, how much hope and enthusiasm we had. I still grieve for myself at that stage.
I too miss the spirit , the camaraderie , and the connected to each other that I felt in church . I missed the raising our voices in song, the revivals , and the love. I’ve come to realize that the love was conditional , and what I missed was the things Christianity tried to mimic from pre-colonial religions that it could just not quite capture . The racism , the control , the judgement. Then people tell you judge the sinner not the church . When the whole institution is riddled with them who seek to control and exert their dominion over everyone else. Deconstruction has been freeing for me . I left the church at 16 when the youth pastor tried to assault me and everyone let it slide and he went on to harm so many other girls . I’m still filled with rage at the futility of it all. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. 💕
Sometimes I close my eyes and I do miss exactly what you described, that feeling of connectedness, of being part of something "bigger." My deconstruction happened in 2016-2017, but now I'm open to the idea that maybe not all white Christians are like the ones I encountered, and that's only because I'm working for an organization that literally had hundreds of white believers in a room talking about how awful and dangerous Christian Nationalism is. But...that's my intellectual side, not my emotional side, that part is still disconnected.
I see your point about the pre-colonial religions, and I can totally see that. Santeria originated in Cuba, mixing Yoruba practices with Catholicism and I've seen elements of that.
I'm sorry about what happened with your youth pastor, but sadly, I'm not surprised.
Thanks for commenting, Farai!