“Why did you ever leave this place?” Jackie asked me, after spending an evening with my family in Miami.
Do you ever feel like you want to bottle a moment, or a feeling? I wish there was a way to live in a memory, not to just remember it when you close your eyes, but to actually live it again with all of your senses. That’s how I felt about my last night after visiting family in Miami. I was in my grandma’s house and most of the people in the world that I love and love me were there. I could feel the love, almost like a physical warm blanket all around me.
I left Miami so that someone else wouldn’t have ’t have to suffer a prolonged family separation, so that they could be close to their family. I took that bullet, instead. I suppose that in some ways, I was used to it, to that pain, having been separated from my mother for 12 years after I left Cuba. Now, I have three beautiful children and I’m staying in the Midwest to be close to them.
But as the years have gone by, it has gotten harder, not easier to be far from family. When my great-grandmother passed away and I wasn’t there, the gravity and the sadness of the separation was almost overwhelming. I don’t allow myself to dwell on it for too long. That’s probably not healthy, to push away and postpone the sadness, but the alternative doesn’t seem great either.
Maybe if you’re from a family that’s not close, this is not a big deal to you. But if you’re like me, from a family that’s really close knit, then you can understand how difficult this all is.
However, as the Cuban saying goes, “Del lobo, un pelo.” Literally, it translates to, “Out of the wolf, a hair.” This colloquial expressions simply means that even though it’s not what I want (to be always close to family), at least I got to experience some of it. So, even though the time felt short and flew by, at least I got to see and spend time with my loved ones. I couldn’t grab the whole beast, but I grabbed a tiny hair. I’m thankful for that.
This newsletter is not meant to be a travelogue. However, I do plan on sharing some more photos and observations from my trip to Miami. Jackie finally met my big, loud, Cuban family and it was a mutual love connection. Furthermore, two of my kids finally got to see their great-grandmother and cousins for the first time in person. Like I said, the distance and time away is awful, but I’m glad all this was possible. I’m glad I took lots of photos and videos. I’m glad I was able to look around that last evening, see all the smiling faces around me and truly savor that moment. I can almost sense it all now if I close my eyes. Almost.
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Beautiful piece. I completely understand your suffering. My family lives far away and the older I get the worse the separation sadness sinks into my heart. I am visiting my parents and sister in a month and I'll keep the , "out of the wolf, a hair" saying in mind as I always feel desperate for the days not to go by.
Looking forward to your travel photos!
My wife's family lives in Miami (we're in New York), and she misses them desperately. Growing up, most of my family was in Argentina. My parents would spend hours on the phone, burning through calling cards. It's tough any way you slice it. I'm glad you had a good trip, though.